6 March 2017

Becoming A Better Version Of Myself - Part One


I was unsure if this post would ever go live. I was worried people might be offended by it. Talking about subjects such as weight and diets can be very a difficult subject. Then I spoke to the lovely Heather who reassured me by saying "this is your journey and it's personal to you".

I have always been a terrible eater. I practically lived on Coke and chips as a child and that didn't change much as I moved into adulthood. A mouth full of fillings is testament to a love of sweet and sugary things. Although I had a pretty bad diet I maintained the same weight and clothes size throughout most of my adult life. Then around 4 years ago I became unwell. Everything I ate left me in agony or made me really ill. This left me struggling to eat or keep anything in my stomach. And of course the weight fell off. I looked and felt awful. Part of my illness was related to my gallbladder. Usually these problems only occur in women over the age of 40, overweight women and women with children. Of course I didn't fall into any of these categories. The only thing I could relate the problem too was my love of Coke. At this point I was drinking at least 3 cans a day. It had to stop.

But once I started to get better (after surgery) it didn't stop. My diet got worse. Who cares if I put a little weight on - I need to anyway. Takeaways, donuts, cakes, tea with lots of sugar, chocolate, crisps, chippies and the list goes on and on.

Then last year I suddenly realised that my clothes were no longer loose on me. In fact they were getting a little tight. Then almost like overnight my clothes didn't fit me anymore. Things had to be upgraded to a bigger size. I checked the scales - whoops over a stone on. That's OK though - I wasn't well. I needed to put that weight on. I started keep fit classes around this time thinking that would help. But it didn't. I kept eating the same crap and the weight kept going on. Another stone crept on without me noticing. 

The fact that I choose to have photographs of myself plastered online didn't help how I was feeling. Every photograph I took I could see myself looking bigger. My belly bulging in tops. My cheekbones were gone. Do my legs look chunky in these jeans? All I could see online were beautiful, thin bloggers. How amazing they looked in outfits similar to mine. Holiday snaps looking like models in bikinis. So I stopped taking blog pictures and Instagram pictures. No one would want to see pictures of me and my outfits when they could be looking at these girls. My self esteem was rock bottom, I had no motivation and I hated the way I looked. 

Then I realised I wasn't looking after my body or looking after myself mentally. I could no longer let my health suffer and my self esteem become so battered over something I had full control over - something had to give. It was time for a big change..........




Share:

6 comments

  1. I hope youre ok hun i can totally relate to having your self esteem hit rock bottom i see all these gorgeous guys in instagram constantly posting selfies and it really hits you and i just realised i need to start loving myself a little more

    www.beautyandtheboy.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Andrew you have to start loving yourself more! In the words of RuPaul “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” xxxx

      Delete
  2. Gosh. You are a brave lady! The internet is an unforgiving place. That's why you'll rarely see any of my face on my blog! It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past while. Thinking of you! X

    Beekeyper - latest - Milani Luminoso-worth the hype?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you lovely. It is all good now - part two will be a lot more positive. And I want to see more of your gorgeous face online! xxx

      Delete
  3. You go, Jennifer! Although I think you're spectacular just the way you are at any point, I think that describing the art of looking after yourself is an important message to share. Wishing you all the determination you need to keep on going. You already have the all the beauty and wisdom you need xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Gwen. It's not about dieting - it is about looking after yourself like you say. Love ya xxxxxx

      Delete

Blogger Template Created by pipdig